By: Mr. Slide
Everybody can relate to that annoying feeling of forgetting where their car is parked. You step outside the mall after a long day of tedious errand running and boom…it’s like looking at a colony of penguins bunched up on an iceberg. The sun’s harsh rays add to your mall induced delirium, combining for an evil hex that forces you to exclaim, “Drat, where did I park?”
Obviously, you’re a prideful person, the last thing you want to do is hit the alarm button on your fancy new key fob. That’s essentially the automotive equivalent of having the clerk at the store’s courtesy booth use the all-call to flag down your kid. How could you be so irresponsible? Are you an idiot? It’s your car for gosh sakes, you parked it! Yet in your moment of panic, hands full of groceries, and patience thin, you press that button faster than a ship’s captain lights up a flair.
*BEEP….BEEP….BEEEEEEP…YOU PARKED OVER HERE, BABOON*
…oh right, yeah………..haha….sorry…
Then — after raising the white flag — you invoke the power of hearing to help locate the lost chariot. Finally, moments later, you find your grey car…right in-between the other grey one and the silver one. Ha.
“There must be a better way to find my parked car!” you think to yourself as you carefully exit, avoiding other drivers hunting the massive penguin colony. Well, it turns out — there is! The folks over at Find My Car Smarter have released an app that utilizes Bluetooth Smart Technology in order to eliminate the need to hit the shameful alarm button. You simply plug your phone into the cigarette lighter (if you still have one of those suckers); open the app and it will use the GPS to mark where you park. Then, upon exiting the mall, you open your phone and easily navigate the crowded colony. Simple as pie!
……Okay, frankly we can’t necessarily say to buy the app, and honestly it would be way better if everybody just bought cooler cars. You would never forget where you parked because your car would stand out to you. “Ah! There is my nitrous blue Ford Focus RS! I recognize it because I love it, take pride in it, and enjoy driving it!” That’s what you would say. You wouldn’t even need that alarm. The app is fantastic and really helps if you’re in a bind, however buying an unmistakable, unforgettable, car is truly the best option.
 Also known as a waddle